One year ago today, Felipe and I went to the IVF medical center to get our baby. Our embryo that is. It was one year ago today that we made our last attempt to get pregnant through the IVF process. Two weeks later, we found out that our embryo did not survive. He was our third baby to lose.
It's strange that it's only been one year. It feels like 20... or a lifetime ago. So much has happened since then, I guess. Yet, God is still healing my heart.
A few weeks ago, I went to a women's retreat. On the last day of the retreat, a woman came up to me, knelt before me and grabbed my hands. She told me that God wanted her to ask me a question. She said, "Leigh, how many children do you have?" I smiled and said, "One." Gently, she asked me again, "Leigh, how many children do you have?" I then laughed and said, "Well, I'm assuming that one is not the right answer... so... (thinking in my head that I must have spiritual children out there that I've discipled or what not) I have many children." She said she was to ask me the question 3 times. "Leigh, how many children do you have?" I sat there a little dumbfounded feeling the pressure of answering her question and getting the right answer (being the perfectionist that I am). I waited. Then a wave of grief came over me. I realized that I have 3 children that I never got to hold. Though, I have pictures of them as embryos, I never got to see our children in the real sense of the the word. I then told her "I have 4 children. Three of them are with the Lord." I began to weep and she held me and let me cry. God comforted me through that. And so did my friend.
I think it's good to remember.
Several months ago, I went to a children's boutique to use a groupon that a friend gave me. Love Groupon btw! As I was checking out I saw one of those twirly things holding lots of key chains with kids' names on them. I looked for "Lucas" of course. They didn't have it. But another name stood out to me. A year ago, it was very clear to us that God named that baby we lost. His name was Joseph. Joseph, means "Jehovah increases." Rachel after being barren named her firstborn Joseph saying, "He will add unto me another son." It's a long story, but a very clear one that God named our third child Joseph. And then he added unto me another son. I bought the Joseph key chain and carry it with me daily.
Here's a picture of Felipe with Joseph. It was a happy day to be going to get him. We look forward to meeting him again.
It's good to remember.