Monday, May 18, 2009

We saw the doctor on Friday. The cyst remains and has not changed at all. :( He said it still looks like a clot. Since we are leaving town for two weeks, I'll stay on the pill in hopes of something changing and things not getting worse. He said our next step is to have a discussion about what comes next. He said we could continue to "piddle around with IUI's and hope for the best." He reminded us that my endometriosis is very severe and it just probably won't work. He's the leading specialist in Central Texas. He writes books about endometriosis. We are growing to trust him and we don't take his words lightly. There is one other treatment we could try. It's invasive, intense, and expensive. And it would give us a much greater chance for a child (or two). I've never wanted to do it. The nurse gave me some literature about it the other day and as she handed it to me, I felt a wave of grief come over me. I almost broke down right there in the office. I just never thought it would come to this. That we'd reach this point and not have a child. At this point, we just aren't sure what's next. There is a lot to think about. And there is grief.

I'm having a difficult time. My hormones and moods remain "crazy." I'm tired. At each turn in this journey when I just don't think I have what it takes to keep going, the Good Shepherd arrives on the scene and gives me new grace, new peace, new courage... greater than it was just moments before. So I know He's Coming! As I read a friend's blog this morning (about her own journey of infertility) I was reminded that each thing God is doing in our lives is Good and Right for us in that moment. I am learning to trust Him more deeply. I've never known this depth of pain... and yet, God is real and trustworthy in it. I didn't know that before.

Please pray for us over the next couple of weeks as we pray to discern what is next. Pray for the fullness of surrender in our hearts. That we would completely relinquish this to God. I feel us holding on. And pray that we'd be refreshed and renewed in Israel. And that my hormones would calm way down!! It's bad. :) In a "it's not funny anymore" kind of way.

Thank you sweet friends and family. We know we do not walk alone.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

LUC, I love you! I am believing that God is going to speak to you guys in a crazy way in Israel!! HOPE FOR IT!! EXPECT IT! I LOVE YOU, Larkin

Loretta said...

peace and rest are my hearts longing for you over these next two weeks leigh. i also hope and ask for wisdom for you and felipe as you continue in this journey. loves...

Kristine said...

Gosh, Leigh. Thank you for your honesty. I am learning so much from what the Lord is doing in your journey and am praying for you as you discern the next steps. I'm also praying for a time of rest and refreshing in Israel. Love you, friend! -Kristie

Anonymous said...

I am reminded of 2 Cor 12:9- In our weakness, God's strength is made perfect. I think of our weakness in terms of our heart's desire... God will perfect His plan through your desires dear Leigh & Felipe. I believe it, and I pray that your heart has an open invitation to our Lord's will over the next couple weeks. And that your time in Israel is full of wonder and awe. You two are such blessings to behold, and would be such wonderful parents! Your sister in Christ, Kim

Anonymous said...

(sigh) I love you guys... really... the Lord keeps giving me (for me) 1 Thes. 5 16-18 "Rejoice always; Pray without ceasing; In everything give thanks for this is God's will for you." Elementary? Maybe. But I think He means it to create an environment in my heart and soul to ride out life's disturbances. "In THIS world there WILL be tribulation, but be of GOOD cheer - for I have overcome the world" At times like these, we wonder,deeply, "Can He possibly be serious?!" But yes, He is... and with that comes peace. I hear you guys walking this. I struggle with you. I love you...selah...
Gayle

ren said...

Praying for you, Leigh. Praying you will sense God's very real presence with you in these weeks of decision making. Love you, Renee