Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Things I'm Learning Through Infertility: Part One

The Introduction
First, why am I doing this series and posting my infertility story for all the world to see?

For two reasons:
1. Women contact me regularly either because they read my blog or because they heard about my story and want to talk to me.  They have questions about infertility, how I've dealt with it, adoption, marriage, you name it.  I think this will answer a lot for them.  And because there are several "infertility" blogs out there that are just not very encouraging.  BTW, I'm not turning into an "infertility only" blog.  Just doing this series.
2. God is doing something new in my heart and I'm processing.  This helps me do that.

This series is titled "Things I'm Learning Through Infertility."  I think in a previous post, I may have said Learned, but that's incorrect.  I have not mastered any of what I write here.  I have failed so many times; I will continue to fail. I'm in process and am learning.

Also, one thing about being an adoptive mom.  I will be and have been writing about the pain of infertility.  I'm writing only about infertility here.  Maybe an adoption series will come later.  The pain of not bearing a child remains even though I now have a son.  Lucas was never intended to be a replacement or a settlement for not having biological children.  He is my dream come true!  Just, a different dream.  Lucas is everything I want and more!  He is not second best.  He is no disappointment! And he's mine!  I just want to explain that as some may wonder about it.

Part One
In light of the two previous posts about how others interact with women walking through infertility, I'm starting with this as #1 in the series of Things I'm Learning Through Infertility:

LOVE covers a multitude of sins!
I have to give people grace.  People don't have nor do they need a Ph.D. in "How to talk to me when I'm hurting."  The fact that it offends me or makes me angry really is my issue.  When people tell me how I am to address them or talk to them, it usually makes me back way off.  I freeze up and then tip-toe trying to figure out what to say or do.  I don't want people to feel like that around me.

Through all this, even in my most hurting, scared and "freeking-out-for-lack-of-control" moments, I am still to be loving.  When my hormones are out of control and I'm angry so far beyond explanation, I am to call upon the Holy Spirit who is "Self-Control" Himself and I am to love.  And that LOVE... IT WILL cover a multitude.  I just have to let it.  

I just received this note from a friend who also is walking this road.  I was encouraged by her words:
"God is really working on my heart about extending grace to those people who say silly comments.  And he's showing me about how much I need to let it go. Immediately.  So hard!!  I think most people don't think or just don't know what to say.  I also have learned that as people walk with you/us through infertility and loss and it continues for months and years, they feel uncomfortable about the level of pain.  They want the pain to stop.  It is hard for their minds to grasp the pain sometimes as a bystander...and so they let the platitudes come out as a way to justify or make the situation better in their minds.  (Even though adopting won't take away the pain of IVF not working or of your lost child)... but you know that.  Still doesn't make the comments ok or right, but it does help my heart to know and understand that... so I don't slap people :)"

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