Wednesday, September 23, 2009

the untitled post...

Still not knowing what to say, I think I'll blog a little. That makes sense right?

Start with the facts: we saw the doctor a few weeks ago and discovered that I have 4 new cysts as a result of the IVF process. It's normal for that to happen, especially in endo(metriosis) patients. The Dr. put me back on the birth control pills (re-read the blog from May 10, entitled "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills".) There's no reason to re-write that post, but again it rings true. The birth control pill is the only thing I have ever taken that has actually worked at getting rid of my cysts. So, here we are again. I will see the Dr. on Tuesday to get an ultrasound and check things out.

For the first time in a really long time, I have no weekly appointments to keep up with. I have been going to acupuncture twice a week for almost a year. And I stopped. This month I will only see the dr. twice. This break feels awesome and yet, strange. I have gotten used to my life of "appointments." Though I could very easily get used to a life of no appointments. That's in my future someday!!

One of the things Felipe and I have not shared on the blog yet is that during the last IVF cycle there was one little embryo that grew so big and strong that they saved him for us using cryopreservation. We have one little guy waiting for us to return for him. I say him out of instinct to say him... but it definitely could be her. We are hoping to return for the little one as soon as possible. That being as soon as my body recovers and these cysts go away.

I have lots of emotion about what all has happened and what will happen. I am still grieving the loss of our 2 little ones. Being on crazy pills, it's hard to know what is really happening and what is really hormones and chemicals running their course. I'm now nominating Felipe to be an official SAINT with a cool name and title and everything. San Felipe d' Austin. It works right?

Together we Hope. Not for saint-hood of course, but for the future. We know that our next step is to return for this embryo. Though, to be honest, we are both a little scared by this. I guess this is what people feel like when they "try again" after a miscarriage. Or how people feel after any great loss. With so much disappointment knocking at the back door, hope is scary. I completely understand shutting down and giving up. But we know our God is real. And He is trustworthy. No matter what. I say this without knowing what His exact stance is on our situation. I have no great prophetic word to hold on to. Or any special "knowing" in my heart.
Yet, we press on.
We expect.
We ask.

I have a great love for this little embryo that we go back for. From the moment we learned that he kept growing, I felt a wave of love gush out of me. May God have mercy on us, the parents of this little one. And carry out His perfect will for us all.
We appreciate and ask for your prayers.

3 comments:

Christine said...

I hope that this break from all your appointments will free up more time for you to rest and enjoy His presence. I'm praying for your speedy recovery from the cysts and for God's perfect timing to implant the embryo. I pray for an abundance of grace for you both! Love, Christine

Anonymous said...

Praying for the Lord's kindness and generosity to always be evident to you, especially in this struggle. Peace to your hearts, Michele

Anonymous said...

my heart and prayers are with you. Thank you for testifying to His Goodness and Trustworthiness... it is good to hear this from you as you struggle through these realities. with deep love and humbled appreciation,
Gayle