A Blog About a Dog

This is Jake as a puppy... 4 or 5 months I think.

Jake the dog is a 4 year old Malti-Poo (Maltese/Toy Poodle).  He weighs in at about 10 pounds, has one blind eye, and is just about one of the cutest dogs alive.  This dog has character too.  Loves people and wants to please you... or at least he used to.  Something has changed for me in my relationship with Jake.  This blog will be my verbal process about it.  Please allow me to explain.

How I used to feel about Jake:
We got Jake about 2 months into our marriage.  We were at church  and Joann Davis was praying for me.  I had been having a really hard time stepping into the world of "infertility."  I was sad.  Really sad.  If you don't know Joann, she needs a little blurb here:  Joann is the wife of the man who married Felipe and I.  She is in her 60's and is one of the people on the earth who may just be masquerading as an angel... a really quirky, saucy, make-you-laugh-til-you-cry, love-you-to-pieces kind of angel!  When I first started dating Felipe, she said, "Bring him to me!  I will look at the whites of his eyes!"  She's a woman everyone wants to know, and if you do know her, you feel very special for the privilege!  A true saint for sure!  I love that she loves me!  And that particular day, she was praying for me.  In the middle of her prayer, it hit me and I exclaimed, "I want a dog!"  Joann got so excited and looked at Felipe, "That's a great idea! Can she have a dog?"  She prayed for our dog right then and there... that he would bring joy and that he would be a "Christian dog!"

That's the day we got Jake.  I knew that I wanted a malti-poo and we found him online that day.  Went to pick him up in the Walmart parking lot in Burnet, TX.  He weighed 1.4 pounds and was 7 weeks old.  And we fell in love with him! Blind eye and all.

Look how little!  He was adorable and couldn't get up the one step into the house by himself!  We would put him in my purse or Felipe's pocket and carry him everywhere.  

I was so excited to learn about training him.  And we did really well for that first year or so.  He was pretty good.  He got attacked by a golden retriever when he was a puppy and he changed a little after that.  He became... nervous, a little quirky.  He stopped wanting to socialize with other dogs and became a "people dog".  And he loves people!  Usually all people, big and little.  He has always required some maintenance, as dogs tend to do. We've considered Jake to be one of the "home responsibilities" that fell on my plate.  He has hair instead of fur... so no shedding, but it grows, becoming cute, shaggy, and matted!  So, I've been the one to groom him, give him his heartworm medicine, feed him, cut his nails, etc.  And he has to be walked... something Felipe and I have tried to share.

How I currently feel about Jake:
So, a year ago, a new little person entered our lives.  And we fell in love more deeply than we ever could have imagined.  And my "home responsibilities"... they increased substantially.  And Poor Jake... the only honest way to put it is that he has been neglected.  We play with him less, he gets far fewer walks, I think I've even forgotten to feed him a couple of times.  In no way is he starving... he reminds us for sure! He's pooped in the house a couple of times since the baby came... probably b/c he really needed to go out!  And discipline... well, it's hard to find the energy to be consistent with him, so his behaviors have regressed.  I can tell he's frustrated.  He is wondering what happened to our little family utopia where he was the center of our loving affection!  My whole day-to-day view of him has changed.  Instead of being cute and shaggy, I see a 2 hour hair cutting project that will have to be done during nap time!  Uggh!  It takes away a most precious nap time!  And he smells b/c he usually needs a bath.  I see him as one big barking, jumping-on-all-our-visitors, needing-to-be-walked responsibility!  And a fury friend for Lucas!  Lucas LOVES Jake!  But now that Lucas is mobile, he can go get Jake.  Jake, the dog, isn't sure about this little creature who pulls his hair and pats him over and over, a little too hard I might add.  They usually play pretty well together, but the more mobile Lucas gets, the more agitated Jake gets.  I'm trying to teach Lucas "gentle touches."  But it's a slow process.  Jake has yelped and even growled at Lucas a couple of times when he's being grabbed in a way he doesn't appreciate.  And, I saw Jake run away the other day and hide under the bed!  Lucas followed him and tried to look under the bed, but he couldn't figure out how to get under there.  He looked at me and cried!
I imagine when Lucas is a little older and learns "gentle touches" that they will be good friends. But there may be another little one here who hasn't learned it yet.  And then another!  Who will walk him then?  I say that like he really gets walked now.  His walks consist of a 5-10 minute outing with repeated commands of "go potty, Jake."

I got up really early this morning and spent time writing this blog post.  When Felipe got up, I read it to him and we had a little talk about Jake.  We've previously discussed giving him to a loving home :( A tear wells up in my eye just thinking about it.  My mom has said that she would be thrilled to take him. But this morning, we decided to renew our commitment as pet owners... we really do love him.  And we are not ready to part with our little fury friend.  Felipe committed to help me groom Jake on the weekends, so it takes half the time.  And I'm committing to walk him a lot more often.  I started this morning and it was lovely (not yet 90 degrees at 8am).  Me, Lucas and Jake went around our little lake!  And Jake was soooo happy :)

Lucas and Jake playing in the crib!  Jake wasn't sure, but Lucas thought it was a hoot :)

Lucas' Baby Dedication... Rescheduled!

Our little 11-month old!  He hasn't learned to keep his one shelf in the kitchen clean yet! :)

The Re-Announcement: 

I want to announce that we will publicly be dedicating Lucas to the Lord on Sunday, June 5th, at Hope Chapel at 5:30pm. (Hope Chapel's evening service). It was originally scheduled for February, but, we had to postpone due to the fact that he got too sick back in February.

This will be a time where we his parents, family and community publicly declare our commitment to submit Lucas to God's will and to raise him according to God's word.

This is a very special time for us and we'd love to share it with all who have prayed for and supported us through our journey of becoming parents. Lucas is our little miracle and this day will be such a celebration of all that God has done. Please come join us June 5th at 5:30pm!

Thanks for lovin' on us everyone!

Look at that!  He's less than a week old here.  I can't believe how much he's grown!

Did You See the Easter Bunny? Part II

Our not so great attempt at an Easter family picture!  Seriously, this was the best of the lot!

Continuing my thoughts on the Easter Bunny and feeling "awkward" about the holidays...

here's where I'm coming from:

Even as a child, I think I was a pretty serious person and wanted to know the truth about things.  My mom says I never wanted to be treated like a kid. I didn't want the "kid's menu" and I didn't want to leave the room when serious stuff was talked about. One of the worst things for me even still do this day is to tell me what you think I want to hear rather than tell me the truth.  Annoys me to no end!  As a kid, I didn't find tons of joy in fantasy. A weakness and a strength I think. So, I didn't really care to believe in Santa, the Bunny and the Fairy like some kids. And I don't feel any loss in that. Though, I do wish I had been more "child-like."  I will add that I loved big celebrations with lots of family, lots of food and lots of fun!  I long to create that for my own children.

I know... I'm an intense person.  I married a guy who can match me and even surpass me at times on the intensity scale.  So, together, we need help from our friends to just chill out.   At our wedding, the best man and my brother prayed for us that we would "laugh a lot and not take ourselves too seriously!"  They know us well!  And we really have tried to lighten up over the years... we're working on it.  Feel free to invite us to do something fun and silly anytime... and even make us go :)  We appreciate it!

At the age of 18 I became a follower of Jesus! Well, that sounds cult-ish when you say it that way, doesn't it? But it's accurate. I wanted to follow Him... in every way. I still do.  And because of Him, I am different than I was before. I've also discovered that He made me this way and He likes me for it... my love for Truth and seeing things as they really are and not how I simply wish they were. And, Jesus tells me that knowing the Truth... it will set me free! So, I'm even more tenacious now about seeing things honestly, even when it's hard. There are great things about seeing the world this way and there are hard things about it. For example: When I'm around someone who is deeply hurting but trying to hide it, I can sometimes see it and I can bring them comfort. I can let them know they are not alone.  I like that.  On the flip side, when I go to Disney World, I don't believe that it really is the "Happiest Place on Earth." Though, they do put on a good show, I can see beyond the smiles of Cinderella and Snow White and know that she's really hurting, but getting paid to smile. I wonder... did her boyfriend just break up with her? Did she just lose a pregnancy? What's happened that's made her so sad? Oh wait, "Smile for the picture! Happy faces everyone!" Click!  I have a hard time just lightening up sometimes.  

So, this thing about being so serious... it carries over into every area of my life, especially the important parts like family.  I genuinely want to have lots of fun at the holidays AND be who I am.

This is what makes me feel "awkward" about the holidays. I have a hard time celebrating in a way that is Truthful, Joyful, Lovely and that doesn't rock the boat and make everyone upset. This Easter Bunny/Santa topic can become a heated debate :) I'm sure you've already had some opinion about the things I'm writing.  Don't believe in Santa? That's like sacrilege to some!  And then I've also received lectures about the Pagan traditions of Easter, Christmas, and don't even get 'em started about Halloween!  I get it.  It's controversial.  But, I'm not really the "don't rock the boat" type of person. Probably, much to my family's annoyance ;) 

Felipe and I are wanting to learn new ways to celebrate the holidays that we count most sacred. It's so easy to just go with what we've always known and not be intentional about what we believe.  It feels hard to make changes.  We really want it to be about remembering Jesus and what He did for us... in a bigger way than just having ornaments that say "Jesus is the Reason..." If that's all we do and we still go on following Martha Stewart as a guide to our holidays, well it's a lie right? The ornament and nativity sets makes us feel better about it, but our hearts (and sometimes our bank accounts) reveal what's really happening. 

We went to a Christmas party in December where the host asked everyone to share some of their favorite memories of Christmases in their families. It was mainly a group of Christians who grew up in Christian homes. I got to hear some of the most delightful stories about home-made Advent calendars celebrating the coming of Christ and also 3-hour family breakfasts on Christmas morning. It was a strange group in that the majority of people at the party did not grow up believing in Santa... because their parents told them that he did not exist. They knew about the man, St. Nicholas... but never believed in the fat man who came down  the chimney for cookies. And surprisingly, few talked about the excitement surrounding gifts. They said gifts were present but not the focus. Though one girl did say that everyone got new pajamas on Christmas Eve in her family!  I'm stealing that one! For the most part in their stories the focus was on celebrating Jesus and being together. They said they loved Christmas and never felt left out of anything. Though, in reality, they were "odd-balls" growing up I'm sure. Will Lucas be an odd-ball? I feel the pressure of that for him. But I hope his stories will be like theirs.

In all of this reflecting on our first holiday season with a child, we have confirmed our decision to not teach Lucas about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.  I don't think it's evil or anything and I don't shun others for doing it.  And, we will do our best to make sure that our kids don't "ruin" it for others.  We will teach Lucas about the true story behind the mythical Santa and that we want to be like the real St. Nicholas.  We will talk about the coming of Jesus as a baby, His victory over death... and also His coming again!  We want to be creative and find fun, new ways to celebrate.  We invite others to come along with us!  We want to learn a new way to celebrate!  To hear my son in 30 years tell stories like the ones I heard at that Christmas party... It's worth it!  

And to lighten up this serious blog post, I'll add some pictures! 

Cousin Samuel with the Hyatt Easter Bunny!  I think he was the Real one!

Nana Rita with some of her grand kiddos!

Lucas and Daddy playing in the fountains!

So cute at Christmas!  I know, the Santa hat!  Come on, we're not that uptight! And it's my Granny's hat!  

Lucas with his mom and dad, Great Granny and Papa!

Sweet shot of Luc and my grandmother :)  Love her!  And look how cute they are in their Christmas shirts!

Did You See the Easter Bunny? Part I

We did!  Well, by accident really. He was at brunch at the Hyatt, giving out colored eggs! My 4 year-old nephew LOVED him! Sam followed that bunny around and even got to dance with him! My 2 year-old niece would very shyly take his eggs and then tell him with fear and trembling in her voice, "BYE BYE, Bunny!" Lucas had a different reaction. Not knowing what this creature was at all, I think he put the adult dressed as a funny rabbit in the "dog" category of his brain. Lucas LOVES dogs! He laughs and laughs just at their presence and then he grabs them and squeezes them! This is what he did to the Easter Bunny!

Lucas and his cousins looking at their egg treasures!  Well, Lucas is eating his!

I love his admiring look in this picture... like he wants to be "big" too!

Being a first-time parent and having gone through Luc's first Christmas and now Easter, I've been doing some reflecting about the holidays. I'm surprised at how awkward I feel about them. Growing up, my Christmases were spent like most of us...with family, eating and opening presents! I think I believed in Santa, at least for a few years. I had 2 older siblings who pretty early on let the cat out of the bag.  My brother (who was supposed to be sleeping) saw our dad getting gifts out of his truck. He woke my sister and showed her the "proof" that it was really Dad and NOT Santa.  She cried. So, in their bitterness, they spoiled the "magic" for me at a pretty early age. And somewhere along the way, I distinctly remember thinking that the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy sure did have similar handwriting!   My husband believed for a little while too.  And neither of us experienced in trauma in finding out it just wasn't true.  

Our neighborhood has had some interesting experiences regarding Easter.  We live in a great neighborhood close to the center of the city. We really like it a lot.  Tons of young families and parks!  It's a very active community as well... many civic-minded, neighborhood-association-types. There's an online forum and a Facebook page where we all communicate regularly.  And, it's very liberal community.  As Christians, we are for sure "odd-balls."  Last year, one of the moms tried to organize a neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt.  People went nuts on the forum.  They were outraged that someone was pushing their religious beliefs onto others in the neighborhood... and that the neighborhood would even sponsor such a thing.  I was shocked at how angry people got.  And then, one Christian guy wrote in and said, "I can assure you that children hunting for colored eggs and an adult dressed as an animal has nothing to do with my most sacred holiday!"  He made me laugh :) Hesitantly, the Spring Egg Hunt was a go last year.  And this year... "The Annual Mueller Egg Scramble" was a big hit!  It's catchy, right?  And that Easter Bunny... he was there!

I'm not sure whether to laugh at everyone for being so uptight about the name of the egg hunt... or be glad that it's not called an Easter thing because I don't really want Lucas thinking that's all Easter is!

Recently, I read an article in Relevant Magazine titled "The Hunt for Easter: Looking for Meaning Amidst the Kitsch."  It was a great read about how Christians don't really know what to do with our seemingly most sacred holiday.  So, most try to avoid Martha Stewart's version and at least add in some church and family time.  That's what we did.

I'd love to hear how you celebrate Easter with your family!

A Post I Never Published

This was written on April 10, 2010 (a year ago)

I went to the doctor on Tuesday and we have good news! My endometriosis has not grown in the last 4 months! This is a small miracle considering that I've been doing nothing (medically)to treat it. Most of the time, if I'm not treating it, it's growing. So, praise the Lord! This is incredible news for us. It's so tiring trying this treatment and that treatment and changing the hormones in my body every few months. Felipe has never known me without it... so maybe now he's getting to know the real me :). I joke, "maybe I'm not sooo moody!" When I saw the doctor, he asked how I was doing. I said, "Well, I'm only taking one medicine (for thyroid) and I haven't seen you in 4 months! I'm doing great!" He smiled. And on top of that, physically, I feel really good. I still have one ovarian cyst and one small fibroid (tumor), but for now, they are nothing to worry about.

When we finished fertility treatments, I thought it was totally over. But when we went to the doctor in December and found that endometriosis had returned and cysts were growing, it was very disheartening. I look forward to a day without doctors.

I find it completely amazing how my heart has changed through this process. There has to be a God! I mean, we've always wanted to adopt, regardless of what happened. But I didn't know how I would feel if we weren't able to have a baby. I'm the girl who used to follow pregnant women and get lost from my mom in the store. I wanted to be a doula (a birthing assistant), I wanted natural childbirth and the whole nine yards. I actually wanted pregnancy as much as a baby. But, in the surrender of it all, something amazing has happened. I still get that glowing feeling when I see a pregnant girl, but I don't feel the deep pain that I once did. I don't feel envy anymore. I was in a baby store the other day and asked a girl for help in the stroller aisle. Side note: seriously, how many strollers does one person need!? For crying out loud... why are there so many to choose from? I felt so overwhelmed like I do in the tooth paste aisle! Girl at Buy Buy Baby was very helpful. She asked me how old my baby was. I told her with all the giddy-ness I have that I'm adopting!! I feel pregnant, but I'm not nauseas or bloated! Another side note: people used to say things like that to me about adopting... well if you adopt, you won't have to go through birth and all the bad things. Just FYI: only I can say things like that. It's like you can say something about you being overweight, but your friend just shouldn't :) And timing is everything. My heart had to get there. And today, I can look on that side of this.

Walking through the journey of infertility is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, even if I believed in the whole hate-your-enemy-thing. Felipe and I know a pain that I never knew existed. And we are learning the secret of contentment in it. I believe it comes from thankfulness. Now don't get me wrong, I had some shaking my fist at God, cursing him and yelling at Him moments. I was devastated. Yet, in the quiet, when I could force my will, in my darkest hours, through my sobs, I thanked Him. His word tells us to give thanks in ALL things. So, I thanked him for endometriosis. I thanked him for each day we didn't have a baby, for when we got to go on a bike ride without getting a babysitter, for sleeping in, for the pain, for the loss, for our embryos, for our friends and family, and for His sacrifice for us. I thanked Him for the joy I knew would come in the morning... or is it mourning.

All About Lucas!

As of today, Lucas is 10 months and 3 weeks old. His hair is getting blonder and he has some golden strawberry highlights. He needs his nails cut :) Three days ago, he pulled himself up to standing all by himself. Now he keeps doing it and wants to cruise around the furniture... very wobbly of course! He weighs about 20 lbs and still has those awesome cheeks! He has 7 teeth! 4 on top and a 3rd coming in on bottom. He loves his dog! Right now they are playing on the floor with a ball. Sometimes they have a hard time figuring out whose toy is whose? Lucas' favorite activities: banging on any surface he can (if he has a stick to do it with... all the better!), playing with his blocks, crawling all over the house, swinging at the park, looking at books, Skyping with Grandlilly and eating "big people food." I'm hoping to soon add "playing at the pool" to that list. He's a great sleeper: 12 hours at night and 2 naps a day. That's our boy!

I haven't posted any new pictures on the blog in a while. There are more up on Facebook. So, enjoy! I sure do love this kid!

Jake, the dog, in bed with Lucas! Luc thought this was a riot!

Lucas and Daddy at church on Palm Sunday. I wish I had better pictures of that outfit! He was sooo cute! Today, Lucas said his first word... "Dada!" So sweet :)

Bathtime last week!

Right out of the bath :)

Family time before bed! I always try to give Lucas a bottle, but if Daddy and Jake are in there with us... he ends up on the floor playing.

I gave Lucas one shelf on the bottom of the butcher block in the kitchen. So the items on that shelf are his to play with. I found my spatula in the bathroom this morning. Wonder how that got there!

This was a few weeks ago. Just playing! People ask me all the time if he's always happy. My answer is "Yup! Pretty much."

This picture is my new screensaver on my computer! I think that's a maple and barley teething biscuit all over his face! Just in case you were wondering if it's something fun like a cupcake... no, not yet! We plan to give him his first taste of sugar on his birthday. Nana says it's mean to deprive him! But right now, I have a kid who likes kale, plain oatmeal and carrots. You don't mess with that!

Naked playtime! He loves his train David and Phaedra :)

Hanging at the park with Tia Marlene! This was in January at his cousin, Samuel's 4th birthday party!

Playing with his cousin Sydney!

Early January at Zilker Park. I can't believe how much he's growing.

Bath time at Nana's house!

Hanging out in Mommy and Daddy's bed a few months ago. Look he had no teeth! Sweet boy!

Entering the Resurrection Years

Well, maybe I'm back to blogging. I'll give it a try again. Lucas, my 11 month-old is crawling around and just started banging on my husband's classical guitar. We'll see how long this lasts :)

I'm turning 33 this week...entering what my brother called "the resurrection years." And for some reason, I'm reflecting on my age. I don't usually do the reflect-on-your-birthday-thing. But, I've been thinking how fast the last 10 years of my life have gone.

***Blog Break #1 (26 min.) Time for his nap.***

Where was I? Oh... life. It's hard to believe I've been out of school for 10 years. I know, some of you are thinking, "Wait 'til it's been 40!". I'm at the age now where I could have been on that show "thirtysomething" back in the 80's. They seemed so old at the time. I'm comforted by the fact that in double my lifetime, I'll only be 66.

I do have to say, I have thus far loved my 30's. I don't mean that life has been easy, but I like getting older (emotionally and spiritually... I could skip the physical aging). And most healthy people always say it only gets better. That too is comforting.

But I have a question. Am I young or middle aged? At a church retreat a couple of months ago, they asked the "older" people to go around and lay hands on the "young" people and pray for them. Pass the baton sort of thing. I sat there confused for a second. There were college students there who I meet with to mentor. Those entering college are almost half my age. I looked at my "younger" friend (who by the way is too young to remember who Mary Lou Retton is!) and she knew what I was thinking. She told me to stay put and be "young!" So, I did. I'm comfortable there. I think I feel older than I am. The last 5 years have certainly taken their toll on my life and my body. And even though I don't want to go backwards... it sure would be fun to be youthful! We can still do that right? Water fights with neighbors, tee peeing/rolling houses, and chinese firedrills (Why did we call it that? That can't be P.C.!) But it was fun! I'm trying to picture what my neighbors would do if I tried to start a water fight! Are we fuddy duddies?

***Blog Break #2 (7 minutes) Not going to sleep***

5 Things I did in my 33rd year that are worth recording on a blog:

1. I adopted the most beautiful, wonderful little boy (who is still not sleeping!)

2. I have learned to keep house better. That may seem small to some... but it's a giant feat in my world.

***Blog Break #3 (2 minutes) I caved! He's up. Not one of my best accomplishments.***

list con't:

3. I spent time meeting with an amazing college student (talking about life, relationships, dreams, etc) and got to watch her grow.

4. I spent time pushing my little boy on the swing at the park.

5. I have begun the certification process to become a doula (a birth and labor support companion). I'm now an official volunteer doula for the GALS (Giving Austin Labor Support) and Any Baby Can project offering free doula services to mostly at-risk teen moms.

***Blog Break #4 (5 min) Meltdown ensued! OMGoodness! Sheesh!***

7 Things I look forward to in my 34th year:

1. Spending time at my in-law's new house... there's a pool and me and Lucas are soon to be in it!

2. Lucas' 1st and Felipe's 32nd birthday party in June! Is it odd that I'm more looking forward to their birthday party than my own?

3. Dedicating Lucas

4. Volunteering with GALS

5. Possibly having/adopting our 2nd child

6. Becoming a better friend

7. My 5th wedding anniversary!

***Blog Break #5... I'm done. It's the 2nd meltdown and just time to be done!***

A 3rd list just for fun and he's finally back down:

Things I looked up while writing this blog:

1. The show "thirtysomething"!

2. The word "hunky dory" because I thought about using it. Decided against it.

3. The word "feat" to make sure I was spelling it correctly: A notable act or deed, especially an act of courage; an exploit. 2. An act of skill, endurance, imagination, or strength; an achievement. ...

I'm using it in the "achievement" sort of way.

4. Chinese Firedrill:

A Chinese fire drill is a gag performed by a vehicle's occupants when stopped at a traffic light, especially when there is a need to change drivers or procure something from the trunk: Before the light changes to green, each occupant gets out, runs around the vehicle, and gets back inside (but not necessarily in their original seat). If one of the participants lags, the others may drive off without them.

Figuratively, a Chinese fire drill is an act—especially, any large, ineffective, and chaotic exercise—by a group of individuals that accomplishes nothing. It is dangerous, and illegal. Ha Ha! I say we laugh at that in our youth!

Origins are also listed at Wikipedia if you're interested.